Of course I had to thank my mom today, on Mother’s Day, because it seemed like the appropriate time to tell her I appreciate her always being the mentally stable pillar of our family. Growing up, while my dad was filling my head with stories that he was actually a leprechaun trapped in the body of a normal looking person and my brother was off shooting AK-47s in the woods with his friends, my mom was the one that I could find doing things like reading books or baking pies. Even today, while I’m plotting skin rejuvenation techniques involving apple cider vinegar mixed with stomach acid and my father is talking about TV show characters like they’re his real life friends and my brother is practicing Wiccan mind control on his pet dingo, my mom’s planning her summer garden. She seems the normal one by default!
Plus, I think everyone in my family besides my mother has an evil streak. I mean, at one time or another, we’ve all (except mom) been guilty of either sticking someone else’s toothbrush in the toilet or issuing threats like, “Watch your back; I’ll get you while you’re sleeping.” And even with all of our crazy quirks and sociopathic tendencies, my mom always seems to overlook our faults and love us for who we are. If we’re fighting she’ll say something like, “Why can’t you crazy bastards all just get along?” and we’ll laugh so hard at the fact she said “bastard” that we’ll forget why we’re fighting. Awww, good ‘ole mom!!!