stealing food from kids « nakedthanks.com

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Stacey thanks her friend for joining her in pointless school

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

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Chiz is one of my best friends from growing up in Erie. Her real name is Steph, but of course no one ever called her that, she was (and is) just known by her last name, CHIZ; in my opinion, a catchier moniker than “Madonna.” ANYWHO, Chiz and I both decided after college that our degrees in communications just weren’t enough and that we wanted to go to grad school to become teachers. (We’re really putting those degrees, time, and money to good use now…I’m a magazine columnist and she’s a Realtor — go figure!)

Now, in my experience, teaching programs are pretty much hell on earth. They make you do the dumbest crap in the entire wold. I mean, just how many bridges can one build out of toothpicks and what’s the point of creating homemade boardgames with only scrap-booking supplies? Why, to be able to pass knowledge to youth of America, must we spend endless hours working in pairs to develop hypothetical lesson plans about foxes and the planet Mars? Honestly, knowing what I know now, I’d honestly rather go to school to study variations in cow manure than spend another minute in a teacher-training class.

Plus, of all our friends growing up, Chiz and I would probably have been voted least likely to be an educator. In fact, at one point, we both worked as sailing instructors at the Erie Yacht Club and even early on, our dealings with children just weren’t quite right. For instance, I distinctly remember stealing food from the kids lunches with her whenever the two of us were charged with picking up the students’ mid-day meals from the Clubhouse. We started by swiping a few chicken nuggets here and there and then got bold enough to just take full-on bites out of their sandwiches. We’d cry with laughter when we heard their little voices say things like, “You got ten nuggets and I only got six! Not fair!” and “Why are there teeth marks in my BLT?” as they opened up their brown bags.

I know what you’re thinking, who cheats children of food? Well, apparently me. And Chiz. Yep, just us certified teachers!! I’m just so happy I realized that writing, not teaching writing, was my calling. I honestly think I may have gone insane if I kept teaching!

Thank God Chiz was with me through my teacher-training. I may otherwise have been arrested for child abuse.

Oddly, even though she's not what you'd call a kid-person, Ollie ADORES Chiz and she loves him. I guess it's just 5th graders with attitude problems that Chiz can't tolerate.