It’s time to break out the big guns at our house. And, as much as I wish I was talking about shooting the neighbor’s stupid labradoodle, I actually mean in selling the house. I can’t tell you how tired I am of keeping the place 100% clean (kind of impossible with a toddler) and leaving with 10 minutes notice before a showing. It’s been a great house for us, but we need to move on!
That’s why I decided it was time to resort to Catholic voodoo. I had my friend Kris buy me a Saint Joseph statue at the Catholic Superstore the other day for this specific purpose. For all you non-Catholics and loosely practicing ones, St. Joe is the patron saint of real estate. In fact, if you know how to ask him, he’ll actually help you SELL your house!
All you have to do is follow a simple “St. Joseph Real Estate Spell” (which I easily found on Google) and Jesus’ step-dad will be working round the clock as your divine real estate agent. I simply buried him upside down in the front yard and say a little prayer. The only catch was that because I didn’t have a chance to get the statue from Kris yet that I had to use an old plastic one I had of St. Joe holding Baby Jesus. Poor Jesus is missing a hand and I had to re-affix Joseph’s head back on with Superglue, but I figured this busted figurine will be a good stand-in until I have a chance to get the new one. Plus, at least Joseph has Jesus to talk to down there under my hydrangea bush.
Apparently when you finally sell the house, you’re supposed to dig the statue back up and put him in a place of honor in your new home. At this point, I will honestly build a shrine to St. Joseph if we sell our house. I will devote an entire floor to his honor and maybe even name the baby after him (I’ve always liked the sound of Josephine!). I just want to SELL!!! Cross your fingers for us!