Despite dating a football obsessed man, I still have no idea how to play the game. This is actually starting to get embarrassing. I watch the show “Friday Night Lights” religiously, now attempt to watch college football with Craig, and cheer like I know what’s happening in sports bars. I like to shout things like, “first and ten do it again” to bartenders because it makes me sound like I know what that means.
Tonight I really had to try hard to pretend to understand the sport because it was this mysterious day called the Super Bowl. Craig just happens to loooove Peyton Manning and likes to tell me what a stand up guy he is and how good he is at “reading the defense.” I just nod and check Perez Hilton or the Sartorialist on my iphone and cheer when everyone else starts hootin’ and hollerin.’
But tonight I really did learn a few things. Like did you know that the quarterback doesn’t play when their team is on defense? Who knew! I figured they just kind of stayed off to the side and tried not to get hurt. I also learned that Craig played against Peyton in the NCAA National Championship and beat him. Why he doesn’t tattoo “I crushed Peyton Manning” on his arm, I do not know.
So you could say tonight was a learning experience. Along with those aforementioned lessons, I discovered that $7 Riesling is drinkable when you’ve had several glasses, that cowboy boots have no traction when walking home in the snow, and that Craig gets sad when Peyton Manning is sad. But hell, the government is closed tomorrow, we’re still rather buzzed from that horrible wine, and I have 364 days to enjoy before I have to pretend to like the Super Bowl again. Colts 2011!
I also appreciate his skill! of course. But you know, when the game is slow and the booze are gone, I'm very thankful for these tight pants.
If you work in media, you get press releases. I don’t care if you are an obit writer or a Pulitzer Prize winner, if you are involved with a publication, you’re going to get spammed by places like The House of Magnets (these people send me five emails a week), the united onion lobbyists, and a whole series of others who you don’t want to hear from. But sometimes, in the heap, there is a little gem. My favorite press release of the month came to my inbox on Friday from the Switzerland Tourism Bureau and was titled “Swiss Olympics – Disciplines you have never heard of.”
How could I not open this email? I absolutely love the Olympics and I am always open to new and improved winter sports. The velogemel certainly counts as a sport that should be considered for the next Olympics. In fact perhaps the powers that be should attend the velogemel world championship in Grindelwald , which happen to take place today, and assess if the sport is something the world could get behind. Personally, I see myself excelling at the velogemel. I am best at things where you can just sit there and fly down a mountain with no common sense.
I saw about a half million rugrats on sleds today, but I guarantee you that when I have kids, they will have velogemels. Imagine how incredibly popular they would be on a day like today when two feet of snow blanket our city. If only all Americans had wooden snow bicycles, there would probably have been fewer tears over this snowpalloza hoopla. It’s just frozen water my friends!
Thank goodness there are the Swiss to remind us frightened folks below the Mason Dixon line that blizzards inspire ridiculous sports with names that sound like diseases. Yeah!!
This is the velogemel. I could have really used one today in Washington turned Anchorage.
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