Calling all gay couples, retired military bachelors, spinsters with no pets, and traveling salesmen! Since we hadn’t had any bites on our house, Grey and I finally decided to take it off the market and just rent it out until the market rebounds a bit more. As much as I wanted to unload this beeotch, keeping it and having a renter help us pay off the mortgage seems much more fiscally responsible than selling it for dirt cheap.
So now that it’s time to go dig up St. Joe and his severed head out of the yard, we also need to start hunting for a perfect tenant. Ideally, we’d like someone totally anal retentive about cleanliness and disgusted by keg parties, animal fur, and strong smelling food. Hoarders and and anyone with extremely wild and destructive children need not apply.
Even though finding someone to rent our house will be a certain amount of work, I’m just so happy the place finally doesn’t have to be show-ready 24/7. Keeping it clean all the time was getting SOOOOO old. I honestly felt I’d spontaneously burst into flames if I had to wipe down the counters and mop the floors one more time. Plumping the couch pillows yet again may have sent me into a fit of insanity. Making the bed made my brain hurt. Even flushing the toilet was starting to really piss me off. And yes, I know we’re going to have to clean it up before potential tenants do a walk through, but at least we can decide when they come through and we won’t be at some Realtor’s 15-minute mercy to show the place. YAY!
Well, I’m off to go bask in my own filth and throw some pork rinds on the floor and smear the walls with Crisco!
I thanked men in government in two days -- I'm feeling very DC-ish. Oh well...Yay, Ben!
Since Grey and I are trying to sell our house, our new best friends are the folks at the Automated Showing Service. We talk to them on the phone at least a couple times per day whenever they call us to let us know when a Realtor wants to bring clients by our house for a showing. Most of the time, they give us at least an hour’s notice, so we have time to wipe the bacon grease and smeared crap from the walls so as to make the place presentable.
We realized how much we appreciate this service today when a rogue Realtor just decided “swing by” with a couple without calling ahead for permission. All of a sudden our front door busts open and a wrinkled old lady (the Realtor) and her clients (a husband and a wife) walk in to find Grey, Ollie, and I playing Wrestlemania IV on the living room carpet.
Though I was just happy to be wearing a bra and makeup, Grey became immediately nervous and agitated. All of a sudden he started bumbling and stuttering his words and out of nowhere, announced, “Oh, um, hi. I was just watching a big yellow cat chase a squirrel in our back yard. ” He said this verbatim. They looked at him like he was retarded. The wife actually said, “Oooh, that’s fascinating, dear” as if she was patronizing some dim-witted child. Of course, this made me start laughing uncontrollably, which just added to our overall air of insanity.
Something tells me they won’t be placing any bids. Oh well, next time!
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