Miss America « nakedthanks.com

Posts Tagged ‘Miss America’

Karin thanks her warpaint

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

MacConcealer

When I think that Stacey and I considered doing a blog called “365 days without makeup!” I cringe. It actually makes me feel physically ill. Not that I cake it on like a Miss America contestant everyday, but still, nary a day goes by where I’m not wearing at least five products on my face (blush, lipstick, mascara, eye shadow and of course concealer).

Sometimes it’s even more than that. When I went to the Grammys, I counted 17 different substances on my face. And I had a rather good time shoving it all on there. But the thing I love the most about makeup is being able to paint away the flaws. Had a very small bump on your face that you decided to pinch until it became a volcano of grossness? Just shove some coverup on it and it’s as good as gone! Unsightly tattoo got you down? Slap on some liquid skin and bare it all.

My concealer of choice is by MAC and it is like miracle paint. This one winter a few years back, I had what I like to call a flesh eating rash. I used to put it in my introductions. Hello my name is Karin and I have a flesh eating rash on my face. My former intern Ashley can attest to this, as those were the first words I ever said to her. Turns out this rash was really just a case of insanely bad dry skin, but still, it was gross. That’s where the MAC concealer came in. I just smoothed that mush on there and the rash vanished!

Confession: wearing makeup is one of my favorite things about being female. When I think that men just have to wear their zits for the world to see, it makes me want to cry. That sounds really really shallow, but let’s just call it empathy. Lucky for me, I have the right chromosomes and the right concealer!

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These are really the only men who get away with wearing makeup, so clearly if I was male I would be a WWF fighter.

Tags: a year without makeup, concealer, coverup, eye shadow, flesh eating rash, Grammys, lipstick, Mac, make up, mascara, Miss America, Miss America contestants, physically ill, zits
Posted in Beauty, Girl Talk | No Comments »

Stacey thanks the standardized tests that gave her a God complex

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

naked thanks0085

Ah, Iowa tests. I freaking loved those things as a kid. Most students got nervous to take them. I remember one kid always barfed in her pencil case on testing day and another who would pee by coat rack. Not me! I’d bounce out of bed and go tearing off to catch the bus to school when it was Iowa testing week. I don’t know what it was about having those two sharpened #2 pencils in my book bag — but I felt powerful. Even as a kid I knew I was a good standardized test taker — and who doesn’t like doing something their good at?

It’s funny though, because I’ve always been awful at math, horrible at languages, and borderline disabled in the sciences. I mean, I only passed high school biology because my friend Julie let me copy her lab book. Plus, common sense, um, well, that’s not my strong suit either. I think I flunked my driver’s ed course three times. So why I’m good at standardized tests? I don’t know. I actually think that I simply will myself to be, and therefore I am. But gotta love the Iowas, because for years, those puppies made me feel like I was a secret genius!

Even into my twenties, I still felt like my testing scores meant I was really really smart. I remember when I first married Grey, I definitely thought I was mentally superior. This was probably due to the fact that I scored higher than him on the SATs or something equally ridiculous. No more. Not only has he graduated from business school (I would have flunked out immediately), balanced our budget for years, (um, I can’t even properly work Excel), and served as my personal technology consultant (I honestly don’t know how to turn on our TV alone), but he also can do crafty things like change the brake pads on our car and rewire light fixtures. Last night, he even installed a new toilet in our bathroom!

Granted, sometimes Grey says things like, “Where are the vanilla envelopes?” and I laugh hysterically at his petty malapropisms, but I’m beginning to think a strong vocabulary does not a smart person make. Or a good score on something like the Iowas. And though I hope Ollie inherits my ability to shine on multiple choice tests and essay exams, I really hope he has his dad’s real world intelligence too!

Hell yeah! As a kid, Iowa testing week was better than watching Miss America, having Mexican pizza for lunch, playing kickball during gym, or prank calling the Principal.

Hell yeah! As a kid, Iowa testing week was better than watching Miss America, having Mexican pizza for lunch, playing kickball during gym, or prank calling the Principal.

Tags: common sense, Erie PA, god complex, good grades, grade school, installing toilets, Iowa Tests of Basic Skills, Mexican pizza, Miss America, Our Lady's Christian School, prank calls, Principal
Posted in Childhood, The Gem City | No Comments »

Karin thanks Stacey for bringing the X chromosomes

Monday, February 15th, 2010

stacey

I absolutely love having Stacey as my partner in crime. One of my favorite qualities about her is that we both love being overly girly and do chants like “perky, perky, perky!” before we promote Naked Thanks. When we both put on enough makeup to make Miss America look low maintenance and ask each other if we are wearing too much we scream out “No way! I think you need a touch more eyeliner.”

So on Saturday when Stacey and I were out encouraging appreciation and thanks, it was no surprise that Stacey got every tourist in town who thought they were innocently visiting the White House to leave with a Naked Thanks card in their hands. If Stacey handed me flaming poison I would take it from her.

When we first met, we worked for a company called Bisnow where we spent our lives interviewing strangers. We always had to grin and smile and pretend to care about what they were saying, something Stacey was so amazing at. While my smile would turn into a smirk and I would start daydreaming about the sweet taste of freedom, Stacey actually cared what people blubbered about and did everything with a grin. She took this same mentality to our protest and even wished the guy who thought we were promoting porn a nice day. Amazing!

Even in 28 degree weather being chided by tourists, Stacey can still keep a smile on her face, while I start to lose my marbles, as represented by this classic moment from Cruel Intentions.

Even in 28 degree weather being chided by tourists, Stacey can still keep a smile on her face, while I start to lose my marbles, as represented by this classic moment from Cruel Intentions.

Tags: Bisnow, Cruel Intentions, makeup, Miss America, porn, protest, smile
Posted in Beauty, Careers, Friends, Girl Talk, Karin/Stacey chatter, Work | 1 Comment »

Karin thanks the spray-tanned 2010 Miss America contestants

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

Miss America

Saturday night here in Washington was our version of a blizzard. This means that everyone in the city forgets how to drive, the road crews decide it’s a good time for a vacation, grocery stores sell out of everything edible, and there is absolutely nothing to do. Luckily, Miss America aired on Saturday and kept the boredom from killing me. There is something so darn patriotic about Miss America that it’s hard not to love. Sure, it’s not exactly the most “girl power” of competitions, but these chicks have to be hot enough to prance around in a bikini, smart enough to answer some ridiculous question on live television and have a talent of sorts. Plus, they wear soooo much makeup and hairspray that the very high-maintenance girl in me just loves it. It’s ridiculous!

While some girls were a tad tragic – i.e. Nebraska state pageant director, it is never okay to have a purple felt purse as an accessory in the talent competition – others were actually quite good. Of course I am very biased, but DC and Virginia rocked the talent competition and I was thrilled to see VA walk away with the crown.

Here are a few highlights from my text messaging frenzy on pageant night. I’m thinking next year I should just be a Miss America “sports”caster on ESPN too so all of America can participate in this super bowl for prissy chicks.

MISS AMERICA PLAY BY PLAY

Georgia: We should learn that Miss America dance, it’s easier than the “Center Stage” routine but just as well choreographed.

Karin: Great idea! I’m going for Cali, Oregon, and Puerto Rico

Georgia: Okay, I like Puerto Rico, Wisconsin, and Vermont

Karin: Who are these tools so far!

Holly: I know. Mississippi is a nut ball.

Georgia: OMG this event keeps getting better. Shawn Johnson!

Karin: This is going to be very stiff competition.

Georgia: I like Mario Lopez, he aged well. Such smooth skin!

Holly: Why do everyone’s thighs seem huge? The angle?

Karin: Is it because we always see models?

Holly: I think so, that’s sad.

Karin: What is this crap?

Holly: Is this for real? I can do that.

Karin: Miss Hawaii’s favorite accessory is a smile!!

Holly: Hahahahah

Miss America

Yeah Miss VA. She had 'em in the talent competition. And the yellow! So now!

The future of Miss America? I'm not saying that I think it's a good thing to enter your impressionable child into the pageant world, but the TLC show Toddlers and Tiaras is soooo voyeristic and addictive.

The future of Miss America? I'm not saying that I think it's a good thing to enter your impressionable child into the pageant world, but the TLC show Toddlers and Tiaras is soooo voyeristic and addictive.

Tags: blizzard, boob tape, Georgia, Holly, Miss America, patriotism, spray tan, toupee glue, WD-40
Posted in Beauty, Friends, Girl Talk | 2 Comments »

Karin thanks Stacey

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

Stacey2

It was probably when Stacey told me the story of our former colleague asking her if she did kegel exercises while pregnant that I knew we were going to get along just fine.

We first met when we worked together at an online publication that strived to save the world from ignorance one e-blast at a time. Stacey and I were all part of the plan and we bonded over getting to do neat things like watch the adept advertising team pull up to our office in Jaguars while we peddled over on rusty 10-speeds.

Stacey’s sidesplitting sense of humor and really good haircut made our already great jobs fantastic. It was inspiring to work with her and wonderful just to know her. We always talked about putting our minds together for good, but I always thought it would be an endeavor where we were arrested or sued for slander. There’s always time!

Tags: Friendship, journalism, kegels, Miss America, Work
Posted in Careers, Friends, Girl Talk, Karin/Stacey chatter | No Comments »