Wow, that Charlie Sheen. According to countless news sources, early yesterday morning he was found drunk and naked in NYC and had to spend the day in the hospital. I mean, it just doesn’t get much more embarrassing than that. It’s one thing to get drunk, but being found naked and then having to be escorted into the hospital for psychological evaluation? His rep apparently blamed it on an “adverse allergic reaction” but I think the world sees through that lame excuse. Geez, I used that one when I peed my boyfriend’s bed sophomore year of college (”Um, sorry, I’m not a lush that pisses herself, I just am allergic to my vitamin pills.” Suuuuure.
Even though I’m pregnant and haven’t been even remotely close to tipsy in more than nine months, I can still feel for Charlie and this embarassing situation. I’ve brought humiliation and shame on myself time and time again thanks to the likes of red wine, Budweiser, and even the random saki bomb (or seven).
There was the time at my best friend’s mom’s wedding that I drank so many white wine spritzers that I asked the Catholic priest if he ever does Jewish weddings, attempted to maul my own imagine in a public mirror, and finally told the bride and groom’s dog walker to go fuck himself when he tried to help me up after I accidentally did a split on the dance floor. My parents STILL remind me how humiliating my behavior was (to them).
Another time, at our friends’ engagement party, I had to be escorted home by Grey with a plastic garbage bag tied around my face so I could barf in it. I literally had the bag handles looped around each ear and vomited for the entire 20 minute ride home. The odd thing was, it was an ENGAGEMENT party — not some raging kegger. The next day I most definitely tried to blame my behavior on “adverse allergic reaction” but I don’t think anybody bought it.
The thing is, I think everyone’s made an ass of themselves while drunk, but thankfully, we don’t have paparazzi taking our picture and putting it on the Internet for millions of people to point and laugh at. Thanks for taking on for the team, Charlie.
What is it about wearing a bridesmaid dress that makes me humiliate myself? This was one of those nights. Plus, it always seems like my parents are on hand for when I get embarrassingly drunk. That's always fun the next day.
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