Like I said in yesterday’s post, we’re ordering a lot of things on the Internet these days and one of them has been bars for our windows. Not because we live in a dangerous neighborhood, quite the opposite in fact. We are trying to keep our little beast IN, not OUT. Ollie’s gotten to the point where I wouldn’t put it past him to just kick out his bedroom window and climb out on the roof to avoid going to bed. We started getting seriously worried about this potential scenario and consequently ordered the bars for our windows you see in the picture below. Grey’s big task this weekend is to convert the nursery to an Ollie-proof cell from which our little Houdini can’t escape. Ah, the joys of parenthood!
I think the fact that we have no purchased bars for our windows ranks right up there with the fact that we also own a kid leash for little Ollie. Should I be worried about a pattern here? What’s next — handcuffs for trips to the grocery store? It makes me wonder if I’m just a bad mom who has no control over my child, but then I assure myself, I am a GOOD mom, but I still have no control over my child!
"Why mommy, why am I in prison? Can't I go outside and play?"
I will soon be the proud owner of a kid leash. Thanks to the Internet — and Eddie Bauer — Ollie’s newest accessory will be a harness that looks like a monkey backpack. Yes, I know. A leash. FOR MY KID. You’re probably thinking, “Aren’t those just for dogs?” Or maybe my more cosmopolitan readers are wondering, “Who buys anything from Eddie Bauer these days?” Either way, I hear you. I get it; it’s an odd combo and an odd purchase. But believe me, I’ve gone over and over this and decided I just need to try this leash out for my little pet…er, um, son.
Because in all seriousness, even though I have mixed feelings about tethering my child to me like he’s some poorly behaved beast, at this point, I think it’s a safety issue. And let’s be honest, he is a poorly behaved little beast. When Ollie’s with me walking down the street or in a parking deck, his first instinct is to run far far away from me. In fact, he loves to run away screaming, “Fuuuuuuuck!” (his word for “truck”) and chase anything with wheels into certain danger. This scares the crap out of me. And since my walk is turning more to a waddle every day, speed is one thing that I don’t have on my side to chase him.
Thus, my latest late night online shopping buy. Hopefully, he won’t sense the irony in literally having a monkey on his back — but since he’s not even two, I doubt he’ll see the humor in this idiom. I’ll just have to burn all the pictures and delete this post when he’s old enough to understand.
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