Thursday, June 3rd, 2010
So yesterday was our highest day of traffic ever on Naked Thanks, which of course thrilled Stacey and I. But what brought so many people to the site? Well, what brings the bulk of our readers every other day of course! Cougars. That’s right, c-o-u-g-a-r-s. The number one search term in Google to arrive at Naked Thanks is “cougar.” A whopping 53 percent of our traffic comes from that search.
Stacey, who I will now just call resident genius, had the foresight to thank her “cougar-friends” for a night on the town. Of course Stacey and her friends are still babes in the womb, but pish posh. This post was genius! There seems to be an amazing appetite out there for women of a certain age, and it’s bringing all these young randy lads to our site. Imagine just how disappointed they are when they see stationary and not too much flesh.
But I have to say, I kind of love that “cougar” is the gateway to Naked Thanks. I felt the same sense of pride when my friend told me that my name came up in Google when she searched “men’s underwear.” It’s not a Pulitzer, but it’s almost as good. And for Naked Thanks, it’s America’s men and their love for fine women of a certain age that bring ‘em to us. Rrrrrrrrr!
Courtney Cox, the starlet of Cougartown. Purrrr. If my boobs are even half that perky at age 45, I'll be thrilled.
Friday, April 30th, 2010
“Thank you Larry King for making cougars seem like jailbait.”
“Thank you girls who wear jeans tucked into their boots for rocking a look that only seems appropriate on a German army base.”
“Thank you Kleenex lotion tissues for not telling anyone how you got the idea for combining Kleenex and lotion.”
Ah, the thank yous of Jimmy Fallon. I think it’s amazing that Jimmy is “writing” them week after week on his show. I put writing in quotation marks because I think he is just scribbling gibberish while he reads his thank yous aloud. But that’s okay! He is still bringing the art of sassy thank yous to a national television audience. It’s like when the milliners cry tears of joy because J-Lo and all the hipsters in Brooklyn are wearing fedoras. Jimmy Fallon is probably inspiring happy dances from calligraphers and stationary designers all over the world.
As you can see from some of his notes above, Jimmy likes to thank the sillies who inspire him daily. I really do think he is thankful to Larry King for promoting the art of cougar cheating and for Kleenex lotion tissues. Plus, his thank you notes are hilarious and genuine in one way or another. And with the amount he churns out, he’s got the makings of a very proper Southern belle!
Jimmy loves a creepy background visual while he thanks. I think perhaps Stacey and I should send him some more colorful stationary though. The classic ecru gets old so fast!
Tuesday, December 1st, 2009
A few nights before Thanksgiving, I joined some of my fellow suburban girlfriends (Red, Ing, Laura, Jen, Daniele) for an evening of reckless abandon via pinot noir. Despite our MILF exterior (well, at least I hope we’re MILFs), if a blind person overheard us, he’d think we were senior citizens. Honestly, my 90-year-old grandparents have had more exciting conversations about the price of ham at Aldi than the crazy crap we were discussing.
At one point, we started laughing at ourselves because we realized our chatter was about all our health ailments. We sounded downright prehistoric: infected corneas, stress fractures in our feet, lower back pain – throw in some dentures and some Depends and we’d be Sunrise Assisted Living’s newest converts!
Not to mention, we were passing around the bottle of Systane eye re-wetting drops like it was a joint. Think: Golden Girls meets Sex in the City meets Viagra commercial meets that old lady from “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”
Don't worry, friends, we're not cougars yet. Just cougar cubs.