THREE DAY WEEKEND! I am so excited. Like shout from the rooftops and kiss strangers excited. BBQs, one-day-only sales, and my two favorite words: free time. I haven’t been at home for the past two weekends and am just thrilled to become one with some weed killer and turn my lawn from neighborhood eyesore into something that might not cause Martha Stewart to vomit.
I’m also looking forward to having some time with Craig. Lately, I have only spent quality moments with him while asleep. But that’s all going to change this weekend. He’s still at work, but I just bought a $100 worth of Cajun style chicken gumbo ingredients and plan on actually cooking something for us to eat, instead of making him live off party hors d’oeuvres. And I am also spending a great deal of time on my new favorite website, cosmopolitan.com. How on earth did a liberated gal like me not peruse this site before?
“The top 10 places to have sex (besides your bedroom!),”Today’s featured video – would you do him outside?” “My online boyfriend wasn’t real!” and “77 sex positions in 77 days.” Yes, those are all current headlines on cosmo.com. Wow! Who needs the A-section of the Washington Post. Clearly all the news that is fit to print is on cosmo.com.
As I read all about what guys think about my hair, I noticed two beige anatomically correct stick people going at it on an inner tube. What on earth? Well, it’s Cosmo’s position of the day – the Tawdry Tube! According to Cosmo, this is why I will love it: “This face-to-face position is seriously intimate. Since the tube is hollow in the middle, the splashing water created by your thrusting hits both of your down-there domains, adding to the titillation.” I mean, what’s not to love? Seems I will have to go buy an inner tube. But if I don’t have time, there is always the “Row His Boat,” the “Octopus,” the Cosmo Cat,” and 361 more to keep me entertained. Good thing it’s a long weekend. Let the games begin!