Stacey thanks the store that sells elastic waist bands galore

Ah, maternity clothes. I am SO over mine. I feel like I wear the same gigantic outfit every day and it’s making me crazy. If I have to pull on my black stretchy pants or my ever-tightening jorts one more time, well, I may just pull my hair out.

The upside is that I only have nine more weeks to go. The downside, is that even after those nine weeks, I’ll still be a porkchop with a gut, only one with no baby inside, just a puffy post-partum pooch. Whoopee! However, a newborn babe is a great belly blocker AND they’re just so darn cute that no new mom really cares what the hell they look like after popping the sweet tot out. In fact, last time around, I wouldn’t have cared if I sprouted a full grown Santa beard or a third arm after Ollie debuted; I was just content to stare at him for hours on end. And drink beer again. Yes, the return of alcohol definitely helped. It’s like I had beer goggles on when judging my own appearance, because I never seemed to mind the fact that I didn’t have kneecaps or ankles for a solid two weeks after delivery.

ANYWAY, one thing I’ve realized about maternity clothes, is that they make you look way more pregnant than normal clothes. I’ve basically reverted to wearing regular old J Crew tees because they are so much more flattering than these belly enhancing togas most maternity stores are peddling. Gone are the days of pregnant girls having to wear muumuus and jumpers, but still, most of the with-child gear on the market is pretty bad. Motherhood makes some nice stuff, but you have to sift through dozens of 100% rayon frocks to find one normal-looking dress.

In fact, some of the things I wore last time around I can’t even bring myself to wear as pajamas this time. Instead I’ve made a pile of unwanted items in the corner of my bedroom and Ollie has taken to playing hide and seek with them. Some of the items are so large that he can literally be lost in a blouse for nearly 30 minutes!!