My little Ollie, not quite even two years old yet, has developed a funny habit: ass slapping. I realized this the other day on the ferry when he was giggling and going up to every woman he saw and swatting her on the butt. The little flirt thought it was hilarious; he’d stealthily sidle up to a girl and then spin around and slap. And let me tell you, no amount of distraction on my part could take the fun out of this new game.
Oddly, Ollie is not the only guy in my family that has a strange predilection for booty attacks. My brother will probably kill me for writing this, but as a young tot, he too, had a thing for touching strangers’ backsides. However, whereas Ollie likes to slap asses, my little bro liked to pinch them. We’d go to the grocery store and there he’d stand in the canned good aisle — goosing female store patrons. One time, my mom toted us out with her for a bra-shopping expedition (oh the fun of childhood) and he hid in the racks of lingerie and randomly popped out and squeezed unsuspecting woman’s butt cheek’s in his pudgy little toddler hands. Strangely enough, every single one of his victims thought it was adorable. He was the sweet baby bum pincher. Aawwwww, precious.
It’s the same story with Ollie and his ass slapping. Women think it’s darling. Ollie smacked one lady’s enormous booty on the ferry the other day and she athought it was so adorable that she took pictures of him with her camera (or maybe this was for a police report, I don’t know). I had to laugh when one male passenger astutely observed this situation and piped up, “Bet you wouldn’t think it was so cute if I did that!” Touché, sir, touché. Oh well, my philosophy is, work it while you can, kid!