Stacey thanks that magic little pill (surprise! it’s not birth control!)

My two allergies in life are cats and dust. I honestly can’t be in the same room with a cat without my entire body starting to itch and my eyes burning in a way that makes me want to scratch them out. Maybe this is why I hate cats — or maybe it’s because they shit in a box in people’s houses and then walk on the kitchen table, I don’t know. Either way, cats blow.

The only thing worse than a cat is a gigantic jigsaw puzzle. I hate those too. And, after that, is dust, because it gives me the same awful sneezy, sniffly reaction that a cat does, but at least I can’t go to jail for hurting it.

Since we’ve been unpacking boxes (does it ever end???) my allergies have been out of control due to all the dust. I mean, I don’t even look like the same person because my eyes are swollen to little slits and my face is puffy. I actually kind of look like Sylvester Stallone when he fights the big bad Russian blonde dude in Rocky IV — or maybe even that kid who play’s Cher’s son in that movie The Mask. Either way, not pretty.

Long story short, I had resigned myself to a few weeks of out of control allergies because I figured I couldn’t take any medicine since I’m pregnant, but I just remembered prego gals can pop Zyrtec safely. I took one earlier and — finally — I’m back to normal.