Craig is from a Midwestern town with five streets, no traffic lights, roughly 400 people, and a prize-winning county fair. He grew up with football, fresh air, and good values, which is probably why he is wonderful and will even say yes to skirting the law and trying to get biblical on the Mall.
Despite his willingness to drop trou inches from the Lincoln Memorial, he is the most moral and well-intentioned person I have ever known. This makes me feel Satanic in comparison, but everyone needs a Ying to their Yang. The same night we tried to have multiple orgasms on the National Mall, he taught me a dance move called “the pretzel,” which he can do alarmingly well. If you are from a town with a stop sign and your neighbors didn’t have hogs named Porky McGee, you are probably unfamiliar with it.
Craig likes flavored seltzer water and keeping things shipshape. He has a nose so small I question his ability to take in enough oxygen, the body mass index of a racehorse, and kindly reminds me that life doesn’t have to be so complicated. Oh and when he lost his virginity, he had a mullet. I’m still trying to come to terms with that one.